Description: A delicious morsel of coiled sexual energy, scanning for prey and ready to pounce.

Occupation: podcaster, blogger, stand-up comedian, clone, linguist, worrier, list-maker, pub-goer, Richard Dawkins admirer, imagineer.

Born in 1960s London (the London part which wasn’t swinging), I was brought up in a strict Atheist/Papist home. By the mid-70s I was already showing a flair for being an over-imaginative waster and worrier. I worried my way spectacularly through both schools and into a college for rich untalented girls – to study for a diploma in Window Dressing. After gruelling academia, decided picking apples on a Kibbutz would give my mind a rest, unfortunately, I’d forgotten about the physical part. The lying on my back bit was fun, but not the grasping and pulling of apples, so with great haste, I hitched my way to the bright lights of Tel Aviv, where I spent a whole day being followed by a Hassidic Jew and then sleeping on the pavement. Deciding this was not fun, I sought spiritual enlightenment in Jerusalem, where I lived for the next 6 months and discovered cheap vodka and men.

On returning to the UK, I worked for the Department of Energy where I was eventually sacked for selling nuclear secrets and myself to the Iraqis. The thirst for knowledge had not been sated however, so I enrolled to do a degree in Linguistics and within a few years, achieved my goal of being a graduate and know-it-all. I had picked up Portuguese and Spanish through the process of osmosis and enjoyed imparting my estuary English to foreigners, so I decided it would be a nice idea to live in the Basque Country and teach. This I did and discovered cheap cider and more men.

After 2 years abroad, I decided I’d had enough of sunshine, good food and fiestas, so I took a few trains back to London (I hate flying), where I was then arrested by Customs for not carrying drugs. The journey back to Finsbury Park, London was uneventful except for a drunk throwing up on my shoes. I then had a curry – oh, it was so good to be back! Since then, I have had 2 children, sort of started a comedy career, and become over familiar with fellow Tunbridge Wellian, Todd Brunner.